This is my personal testimony:
Before I met Christ I always felt the need to prove myself. I never felt like I was good enough or measured up. My sisters were always better than me, they were smarter, prettier, you name it. I felt overlooked, like I was just on the sidelines. I didn’t recognize that I had a purpose in life and if I did, I didn’t know what it was. Of course, growing up in a Christian home, I knew the answer was “to glorify God.” But how could I do that if I felt like a failure as a Christian? I was dirty with sin and felt hopeless. That’s when I knew I truly needed Jesus.
These thoughts all came after living a life for myself. I knew all the basic Bible stories, I knew God was real and was my Heavenly Father who knew what was best for me, but I did not have a real, personal relationship with Him. I prayed to Him when I was scared, when I had lost something, or when I wanted it to snow…(yes, true story. He did answer it by the way. :)) But that was about it. I didn’t desire to truly follow Him. That was exactly the case around age 9-11. During this time I had a friend who was not a good influence in my life. I therefore was encouraged to mistreat my sisters, lie to my parents, gossip behind the backs of my friends, and even steal little things here and there: a pretty necklace from a friend, a charm at the jewelry store, candy at the grocery store…I was deceitful, prideful, stubborn, impatient, and often angry when things didn’t go my way. I felt my life was about me, me, me, and I deserved the best of everything. Overall, I was extremely selfish. I was living with what I would later learn to be a “dead conscience.” My sinful heart did not bother me. I was numb to my own sin.
On June 30th, 2011 there was an accident and I burned both my feet very badly. It was serious enough to where the doctor was considering doing a skin grafting surgery on me. I remember being so scared. I hated the thought of that happening to me. I remember praying over and over for God to not let that happen. It was one of the first times in my life where I recognized that I was dependent on Him, and He had everything in control. I later got the news that I didn’t need the surgery. I was so thankful to God, and I praised Him with my whole heart.
In the summer of 2012 we moved to Arizona. For the first time I became curious about the Bible and I read a chapter every day. I think I stopped half-way through Leviticus, but that consistency really helped me grow in my personal walk with the Lord. Of course, living in a new place, I had no friends, so I prayed for one. God answered that prayer with my friend Myah. She is my best friend to this day. She showed me what a true and godly friend looked like, something I hadn’t experience before. She invited me to a girls Bible study. The first lesson was about having a dead conscience, and it was then that my sin became real to me, that I truly needed Christ. I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed to repent and turn to Him. The following Easter, I dedicated my life to Him and was baptized.
The Lord continued working on my heart over the following years. I still attended that Bible study. One of the lessons was about honesty, and I knew I needed to repent of my sin. I went home that night and confessed to my mom that I had cheated on multiple tests that year. Then there was a lesson on wisdom. I learned all you had to do was ask the Lord for it. So I did. I also asked Him for patience, peace, a selfless heart, and for the ability to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). Over the years, I see how the Lord has worked on me and has answered those prayers. I am truly who I am today because of what HE did in me.
I no longer feel invisible or undervalued. I know my identity in Christ: loved, redeemed, worthy, precious, pure. Jesus sees me, and He chose me as His own. He understands me and knows me better than anyone else, even better than I do. He loves me far more than anyone else could ever love me. I am a daughter of the King. That makes me a princess! 🙂 I know my purpose in life, and it has become my greatest desire and greatest joy to serve and glorify God for the rest of my life.